I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
