Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize