he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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