Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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