i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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