Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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