Apparently you make a good broom.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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