this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
