it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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