If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
