Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
