i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He kissed a someone with a penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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