ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
