Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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