If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
