The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
