i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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