I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
