Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
