I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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