Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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