fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
