Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
