it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize