I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
