There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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