I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
