She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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