She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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