I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
