I wish I could punch you in the face.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
