party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
