dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
