If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
