Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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