You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
where does the pee come out of this thing
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
