Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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