Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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