how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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