He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
