Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
