In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
false alarm. still invincible.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
