i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
