i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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