____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
