Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The Olympian is in my bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
