"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
