yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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