"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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