the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
