shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
