Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
