eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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