The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
