Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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