I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
