I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize