according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
