forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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