my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
