Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize