My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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