Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
