can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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