Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
