I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
