I can tuck mytits in my pants
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
