I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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