she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
