I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
