yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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