i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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