THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's like iHOP with fire
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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