A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize