covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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