This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
