carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
