Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
