Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
