Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
