so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
