Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
