I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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