don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
