did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"it" just moved
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
