So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize