That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am one with the molecules
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
