new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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