he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize