I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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