i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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