Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
