I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You're like the curious george of whores
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
