She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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