oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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