420 ftw
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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