That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
