I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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