I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
