i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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