Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
