My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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