cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
