If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
