My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cut my penus on the lid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
