I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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