just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
