He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
