Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
