just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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