barbara walters just said penis...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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