I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
