there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
