Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
